Before writing this I have had t think long andd hard about whether to say with whom I am adopting. Would it be seen as being a breach of orivacy, could it even lead to potentially issues for the future child. However I have now learned that this is not the case, and I am already doing everything to remove identity.
So I can say that I am applying with Bexley Council, who co-operate and co-run a lot of the process with Medway council.
The first thing you have to do when looking into adoption, before you can even express an interest, is attend a ‘taster evening.’ Essentially what this is is a weeding out process for those who have a paradise image of adoption, unrealistic expectations, or those who are not quite yet suitable.
We heard from previous adoptors, with some success stories, but also some reality checks. There was a brief outlinning of what the process would be, and there was quite a lot of talk. I must confess that my taster evening was with Keny Council, and at times came across as slightly judgy. Despite a large number of same sex female couples, every time same sex was mentioned one of the presenting social workers made efforts to make eye contact with the solo gay couple in the room.
I went to this evening with my Mum, and I would really reccomend going with someone. There were 2 other what I suspected to be single adoptors (both female) and both had taken someone with them, one their teenage son and another had taken what appeared to be a parent too. These evenings are a bit emotional, and there is a lot to think about afterwards, its good to have someone to discuss that with. Plus it stops any fear of that ‘theyll all be looking at me’ thought which I know for sure I had.
At the end of the meeting they ask you, if you want to, express an interest. Again I highly reccomend skipping this invitation and instead sleeping on the decision again, talking to whomever you takw with you, and then calling the next day. They will see you attended and it gives you not only one on one, but also private time to ask any questions. Again it also stops those stares across the room from having any impact.
Walkign out from the event I knew this was for me. If anything I was more certain. Yes it was going to be harder than I thought, yes that hardship went way beyond the adoption process, and yes it would be more than just emotional stresses but this was for me.
From speaking to other (couples) going through the adoption process this was how they felt too. My closing piece of advice at this stage would be that if you are not sure, or not sure beyond some questions that you need answering then right now its not for you. Come back in 6 months. Trust me – you need to be certain. It gets harder from here.